The December People’s Choice Award goes to…
The people have spoken… The 2025 December People’s Choice Award goes to Shail Modi for his short play, Gnats!, presented as a staged reading live at Theater Wit and Simulcast on December 15th. Congratulations, Shail!
Courtesy of Shail, we’re pleased to share the first few pages from the award-winning script. Enjoy!
GNATS!
Featuring up to a minute of a song (with altered lyrics) from the Hit Broadway Musical, and not-so-hit Hollywood Movie “CATS!”
By
Shail Modi
SYNOPSIS:
The dogs investigate a mysterious disease. The gnats experience an apocalypse.
CHARACTERS:
Old Neuteronomy/Mr. Nestoffolees: Any Gender, extremely prehistorically old, wise
and grave.
Dingo/Nimblenanks: Any Gender, Younger, upbeat and chipper.
Nizzabella: F, Old as well, exceptional singer. Rings in the apocalypse.
———————————————————————————–
OLD NEUTERONOMY:
Me!? I’m an ooooold Dog! They call me OOOOOLD Neuteronomy!
“Why do they call you Neutoronomy,?” you ask.
I will answer:
Because –
I perform neutering operations for all the horny dogs on the streets of Chicago!
I have done so all my life, and, as I am going on a robust 12 years of age,
they also call me old.
Once a year all of stinky dogs in the Greater Chicagoland area gather at the Dog Park –
by which i mean, the road –
for a night of ass-sniffing and general revelry that we call
THE DELLICLE DOLL!
The last few years however, something’s
been peeving us,
Bugging us,
Itching us, scratching us,
Tugging us,
Vexing us,
Irking us
Miffing us,
Piquing us,
Galling us,
Doing us in!
Pissing us off!
Riling us up!
And bringing us down!
By god! We can’t spend a minute without scratching our feathers and our nethers,
our noggins and our soggins,
our noses and our hoses,
Our Jow-ls and our bowels!
And. Noone. Knows. WHY!
(DingoDerry the Doctor Dog enters. He wears a doctors coat and a mask with a hole cut out for his snout to fit through)
DINGO
I’ve taken the liberty of investigating it myself, OOOOOOLD Neuteronomy. May I
present my findings, a probable cause, and a possible solution.
OLD NEUTERONOMY
Please do, Dr. Dingoderry the Doctor Dog.
DINGO
Please, Dingoderry was my father’s name. Call me Dingo the Doctor Dog.
OLD NEUTERONOMY
As you wish, Dingo the Doctor Dog.
DINGO
We know the symptoms:
Excessive licking and flicking.
Excessive thrashing and scratching.
Excessive itching and bitching.
OLD NEUTERONOMY
HEY! We don’t use that kind of language in the workplace!
DINGO
I apologize profusely, but it was too good a rhyme to pass up!
OLD NEUTERONOMY
That’s no excuse!
DINGO
And it punned!
OLD NEUTERONOMY
(After a moment of consideration)
As punishment, after your presentation is concluded, you will receive two hours of time
in the cone!
DINGO
Noooooooooo!
OLD NEUTERONOMY
Please proceed with your findings!
TO BE CONTINUED….
Join us for our next Monday Night PlayGround: Musical Parody – live and in-person, on Monday, February 2nd at 7pm CT at Theater Wit and simulcast! Click here for more info and tickets.
Playwright information:
shailmodi0305@gmail.com
925-395-7085